The 10 to 5 Rule

Communities aren’t defined only by what they offer, but by how they make people feel. Long before a derasha is heard, a class is taught, or a program begins, something far more subtle happens: a first impression is formed. A look, a smile, or a moment of acknowledgment can determine whether someone feels they belong or whether they quietly slip back out the door.

Strengthening Jewish life often leads us to focus on programming, education, and inspiration. Yet one of the most powerful tools for building a warm, thriving community requires no budget, no committee, and no strategic plan. It begins with the simplest human gestures: eye contact, a smile, and a genuine greeting. It reflects an awareness that how we greet people may matter just as much, if not more, than what we offer them.

Some of the clearest guidance on how to make people feel welcome comes not from communal life at all, but from the hospitality industry.

It is known as the 10/5 Rule. The 10/5 rule simply dictates that when a staff member is within 10 feet of a guest, they smile and make direct eye contact. When the staff member is within 5 feet of a guest, the staff member verbally greets the guest. It sounds simplistic, but these small changes can have a remarkable impact.

Hotel chains and successful companies have adopted this rule as a simple, inexpensive, and effective way to enrich a guest’s experience. At Walmart, founder Sam Walton coined the “Ten-Foot Attitude” and said, “I want you to promise that whenever you come within 10 feet of a customer, you will look him in the eye, greet him and ask him if you can help him.” At Disney, the rule was expanded upon to outline exactly what steps should be taken any time a Disney cast member is near a guest. And Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics, captured the idea perfectly when she said, “Everyone has an invisible sign hanging from their neck saying, ‘Make me feel important.’” Simple acts like smiling and saying hello do exactly that. It makes people feel seen and important.

Shawn Archer, author of Before Happiness, describes how after the devastation from Hurricane Katrina, Ochsner Health System in Louisiana was looking to increase positivity across its more than eleven thousand employees. His recommendation was deceptively simple: train staff to follow the 10/5 rule. There was plenty of skepticism. Doctors felt too busy. Others dismissed it as a feel-good HR initiative. But the results were undeniable. Not only did patient satisfaction improve, patient outcomes did as well, and even modest gains translated into millions of dollars in increased revenue. The lesson was clear: human connection isn’t a distraction from meaningful work; it enhances it.

While many if not most of us do not work in industries where we regularly greet customers or guests, imagine how much warmer and friendlier our community would be if we took a page out of these successful companies and instituted the 10/5 rule ourselves.

The rule is simple: Whenever you are within 10 feet of someone, make eye contact and smile. When you’re within 5 feet, say hello.

Long before modern organizations discovered this truth, Chazal understood it as a core element of menschlichkeit. The well-known Mishnah in Pirkei Avos (1:15) instructs us to “receive everyone with a cheerful face.” The Avos D’Rav Nosson explains that one who gives another all the finest gifts but does so with a pained expression has given nothing at all, while one who greets another warmly, even without giving anything, has given everything.

The Gemara in Kesubos (111b), interpreting Yaakov Avinu’s beracha to Yehudah, teaches that “the whiteness of your teeth,” a smile, is more nourishing than milk. Rav Yochanan concludes that greeting someone with warmth is greater than giving them something to drink. A smile, Chazal tell us, is a different kind of nourishment. It feeds dignity, belonging, and trust.

Eye contact, a smile, and saying hello are three things that cost us nothing. Combined, they take less than a second. And yet, they can transform you and the culture around you. They put people at ease. They communicate, You matter. You are seen. And they create communities that feel warm, inviting, and truly alive.

The next time you walk into shul, school, or anywhere people gather, try the 10/5 rule, even once. You may find that it doesn’t just change the experience of the person you greet, but your own as well. After all, the communities we long to build begin not with grand gestures, but with the way we greet one another.