Becoming Stronger than the Stones

R’ Shlomo Freifeld, the renowned founder of  the Shor Yoshuv Yeshiva, once shared a story about the day his life changed.   

I think back in my own experience to when I finally began to make something of my life, and I can identify the day. In those days I was in yeshivah surrounded by a group of brilliant near-geniuses. These were my friends, my associates, my role models, and I tried to pattern myself after them. And then one day, I sat down in a room by myself, put my head in my hands, and had a heart-to-heart talk with myself. “You are not brilliant,” I told myself. You are not a genius or a near-genius. You have to be who you are. You have to start your learning from the fundamentals and work your way up. There are no shortcuts for you.”

Believe me, the experience was painful. I felt as if a dagger had been plunged into me. But it was my liberation, my personal exodus. That day was the turning day of my life.

Sometimes the heaviest weights in life are not physical at all.

After the sin of the Golden Calf, Moshe comes down the mountain and breaks the Luchos.  While many commentators assume he does this either to show how angry he is or to show the people that they are not worthy of these Luchos, the Midrash Tanchuma writes:

כֵּיוָן שֶׁיָּרַד וְקָרַב אֶל הַמַּחֲנֶה וְרָאָה אֶת הָעֵגֶל, פָּרַח אוֹת הַכְּתָב מֵעֲלֵיהֶם וְנִמְצְאוּ כְּבֵדִים עַל יָדָיו שֶׁל מֹשֶׁה

When Moshe came close to the encampment with the first luchos he saw the letters flying off. The luchos suddenly felt very heavy and they smashed to the ground. 

However, Rabbi Soloveitchik (Derashot HaRav 68-71) points out that something does not make sense. If we look a little bit later in the Torah (Shemos 34:4), Moshe prepares to go back again up the mountain and he carries with him the second set of Luchos:

וַיִּפְסֹ֡ל שְׁנֵֽי־לֻחֹ֨ת אֲבָנִ֜ים כָּרִאשֹׁנִ֗ים וַיַּשְׁכֵּ֨ם מֹשֶׁ֤ה בַבֹּ֙קֶר֙ וַיַּ֙עַל֙ אֶל־הַ֣ר סִינַ֔י כַּאֲשֶׁ֛ר צִוָּ֥ה יְהוָ֖ה אֹת֑וֹ וַיִּקַּ֣ח בְּיָד֔וֹ שְׁנֵ֖י לֻחֹ֥ת אֲבָנִֽים׃

How is it possible that he carried the Luchos up the mountain, yet he wasn’t able to carry them down the mountain? Simple physics tells us that going downhill is easier than going uphill.  If the Luchos were too heavy to carry down, how did Moshe carry them up?

Rabbi Soloveitchik beautifully explains that Moshe going up and down the mountain had little to do with his physical strength and more to do with his mental strength.

On the way down the mountain, Moshe was crushed. Exhausted. Spiritually shattered.  He felt as if his strength was sapped.

The Bnei Yisrael had been taken out of Mitzrayim, ready to assert themselves as the chosen nation and develop a relationship with Hashem. Tragically, in a matter of a few hours, they had descended into a terrible sin that left Hashem wanting to sever that relationship. And so, Moshe here felt completely defeated and therefore couldn't hold onto the luchos anymore. The emotional, and even physical weight, was too much to bear. 

Later in the Torah, as Moshe is on the way back up the mountain, his mindset was changed. Now, Moshe was full of hope, vision, purpose, and nothing could stop him.  Says the Rav: “In this role, Moses could overcome all psychological and physical obstacles.”

These were the exact same Luchos as earlier with the exact same weight and Moshe hadn’t gone to the gym in the interim.  The only thing that changed was his mindset.

From here we learn that the limits we feel are often not in our hands, but in our heads. 

The day Rav Freifeld stopped trying to be someone else was the day he finally found the strength to carry his own Luchos.

Every one of us has goals, dreams, and aspirations. There are things we want to accomplish, whether professionally, in our family, or religiously. We have an idea of what we are aiming to achieve. The question is do we let our minds turn our challenges into heavy stones that weigh us down, or motivate us to fulfill those goals?  Are the Luchos in our lives weighing us down or helping us up the mountain?  

The stones in our lives do not change their weight.

What changes is the person carrying them.

When we feel defeated, even small challenges crush us.

When we carry purpose, vision, and belief, even heavy stones become climbable.

The Luchos do not change. We do.